Kreisler’s Squirrels

Last week, Hillary Clinton compared herself to Rocky because she won’t quit the fight. She made the claim near Philadelphia, where Rocky remains hero, thus cleverly tugging on local emotions. We’ve come up with a few fictitious characters she could invoke when pandering campaigning in other regions.

Note: If I wasn’t so damn lazy busy, I’d get pics to go along with these. (If you don’t know who they are, use, um, IMDB.com)

Miami: Sonny Crocket, “Miami Vice”
Fighting crime/McCain with a charismatic black man who she doesn’t really like.

Boston: Will Hunting, “Good Will Hunting”
Her genius is unappreciated and she needs a therapist to tell her, “It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault.” It’s Bill’s fault.

Chicago: Elliot Ness, “The Untouchables”
Tough on crime, and it always comes down to tax returns.

Seattle: Dr. Cristina Yang, “Grey’s Anatomy”
She’s a bi… driven, hard-working woman focused on achieving her goals. Might be Asian, too.

San Francisco: Catherine Trammel, “Basic Instinct”
Hillary and an ice pick: Probably Bill O’Reilly and Matt Drudge’s secret fantasy.

Washington, DC: MacKenzie Allen “Commander In Chief”
She’s going to be President… for at least a few episodes.

Pottsylvania: Rocket J. Squirrel
The “Rocky” she meant, battling Fearless Leader (Bush) with a clumsy moose, Billwinkle.

Vice City: Hooker, “Grand Theft Auto: Vice City”
Eventually she’s going to get beaten or shot. Also, willing to do anything to win. Anything.