January 30, 2008

Bummer.

John Edwards is withdrawing.

I’ve supported him, in part, because he’s a genuine fighter. As much as either remaining Dem candidate will be a vast improvement over the current POTUS, one is a clear product and proponent of the current political system, and the other, while offering a change in tone, is unlikely to produce the radical change in both procedure and results that I believe we need.

When I performed at the College Democrats National Convention, it was clear what he was up against. Obama and Hillary drew crowds like rockstars, Edwards spoke outside, in the heat, to a smaller showing. Nonetheless, almost every person I spoke to said they liked/agreed with/supported Edwards message the most of all three. Once again, flash and hype obscured substance.

I’ll support the Dem nominee, but am disappointed that Edwards – the man whose plans on health care, the economy, Iraq, etc. were blueprints for the frontrunners – is dropping out. I wish him and his family all the best. I appreciate their fight, and hope they remain actively involved in shaping America’s future.

And in the bizarro world where everything above is exactly the opposite, Rudy’s bailing, too.



State of the Union (sigh)

Normally I do a laundry list of wise cracks watching the State of the Union. Well, I didn’t get to it until late Tuesday (yes, I’m a dork who DVRs speeches), and I’m just not feeling the juice. How hard is it say “lie, lie, lie, pipe dream, distraction, goofy grin, fireball, dragon, Armageddon”? (I stole that from myself… see below).
I’m just glad next year it will be someone else. Anyone running will be better. Well, except Rudy. If he wins, we’re all gonna be leather slaves in an underground sex lair… (Whip) “Thank you sir, may I have 9-11!”

Nonetheless, a few thoughts, then we’re out.
– Kennedy to Obama: “Hire a driver”
– What if, instead of applause, modern humans showed approval by throwing steak knives?
– I think his fake Texas accent is actually getting thicker the longer he lives in DC.
– (Dubbed over the scene in “Return of the Jedi” when Han yells, “Boba Fet! Boba Fet!”): “John Kerry! John Kerry!”
– Balance the budget by 2012? Or just time travel back to 2001.
– How do John McCain and Bob Dole greet each other?
– “Embolden the purveyors of false populism.” I’m pretty sure he didn’t write that phrase himself.

Really, that’s all I was inspired to do. Fitting.



Time Out New York Joke of the Week

Hey, look! All my worries are over:

Sarcasm aside, thanks Jane.



January 27, 2008

Funny Money: Economic Oopsie-Daisy

0.75%: The interest rate cut, or Ben Bernanke’s blood alcohol level when he made it?
My conversation with a jittery market: “Hey stock market, how are… BOO! Sorry, just kidding. Seriously, how’s… LOOK OUT! Whoa, whoops, sorry, that’s nothing. So, um, are you… HE’S GOT A GUN! No wait, my bad, just a rate cut. So… what’s up?”
Good news, America! We still have the ability to cripple the world! No, not with our spread-too-thin military, but with the aggregate power of our poor. Hooray!
Read el-column-o, voici.

Video #1 – The “crisis” “explained”:

Video #2 – Other business news of the week:



January 21, 2008

Funny Money: Dark Days

OK, so the former CEO of Brocade Communications gets 21 months in prison for orchestrating the company’s backdated stock options, and he says, “I’m sorry. There is much that I regret, and if I could turn back the clock, I would.”
Um… That’s what got you into this situation in the first place! Ugh. Well, at least he wins the prize for Least Effective Mea Culpa Ever. Except when Jack the Ripper said, “I’m sorry, guvnah. I wish I could just slash all my mistakes with a knife.”
Read the whole column here.
And here be the video:



January 19, 2008

Big show Tuesday (NYC)

Come on out

Jeff Kreisler’s Comedy Against Evil
Tuesday, January 22 • 7 PM SHARP!
The Peoples Improv Theater • 154 West 29th Street • 212-563-7488 • Just $5
Advance tix (get ’em).

Two weeks before the NY primary, Jeff Kreisler – writer for Comedy Central’s Indecision2008, winner of the Bill Hicks Spirit Award, and author of Harper Collins’ “Get Rich Cheating” – dissects American politics and culture with passion, absurdity, and hope.

“An hour of excellent comedy… Jeff Kreisler does clever, well-presented political stuff…” – * * * * The Scotsman
“Kreisler tore into politics, race and religion in a similar style to Hicks, but with his own personal slant and some very acute and funny observations… probably one of the best comedy shows at the Fringe…” – * * * * * Fresh Air at the (Edinburgh) Festival
“Kreisler changes the pace a bit with a slightly demented, extremely animated set that attacks everything…” – San Francisco Chronicle
“A welcome reminder of a time when comedy cut a lot closer to the issues of the day than most comics now dare.” – Dallas Morning News
“A highlight.” – The New York Times
“Jeff Kreisler and his Comedy Against Evil show were amazing. Jeff’s act was thought provoking, edgy, and quite hilarious.” – Georgetown University
“‘Comedy Against Evil’ was the most fun I’ve ever had at a political event. If candidates were smart they would hire these guys to spread philosophy instead of reciting their stump speeches countless times.” – Case University

Future dates include: Iowa, Kentucky, Glasgow, Chicago, New York, Rhode Island, Miami, Ohio, Michigan, California, Vegas, and more…



I’m just saying…

More dirty politics in South Carolina.
Eight years after bring the target of push-polls about illegitimate black babies, John McCain’s being smeared about wanting to “use unborn babies in medical research.”
One question: What is it about South Carolina Republicans that makes them so gullible?

Oh yeah, they’re Republicans who live in South Carolina.

My favorite part about third party attacks like this is that the benefiting candidates always say they “can’t control their supporters.”

Oh good, then let’s have you control the whole country instead. Should be easier.



January 14, 2008

Funny Money: The End of…

“National health spending soared to more than $2 trillion in 2006. On the plus side, we’re still all going to die.”
Read the whole column here.

I may be leaving TheStreet.com at the end of the month, looking for other places to publish Funny Money. If you have some ideas, let me know.
To let TheStreet.com know how much you love the Funny Money columns and videos, email George.Moriarty@thestreet.com and/or Dave.Morrow@thestreet.com, but be nice.

Video below and on TheStreet.com’s Good Life channel.



January 9, 2008

Funny Money: 2007 Review videos

Really, it can be no more simple than this:

Part 1 of 3

Part 2 of 3

Part 3 of 3



January 7, 2008

Funny Money: Fall 2007 in review

Slowly getting back into some sort of rhythm…
End of the year review, favorite Funny Money business stories on TheStreet.com.
Part 1
Part 2

Videos coming tomorrow or Wednesday.

More soon. Promise.

p.s. Come see me be funny! Tuesday, Jan 22, at The PIT NYC.



January 2, 2008

It begins…

… tomorrow in Iowa. My grandmother’s running a caucas (caucus?) there. Cool.
I’ve kept quiet, don’t want to get hurt again, but now, the dance is on.
Do your own thing, but FYI here’s my pick.

Back from ‘vacation’ this weekend, with lots o’ stuff.