November 30, 2009

Virginia Lawyer Review

Virginia Law School reviews an alum’s book:

“In a world where so many people seem to bend the rules — from Congressmen to baseball players to slick financiers — what’s holding the rest of us back? Jeff Kreisler’s first book, Get Rich Cheating, is a humorous, tongue-in-cheek guide to getting what isn’t ours (but sometimes seems as if it ought to be). He dedicates his book, “To money, the root of all good,” and throughout he gently pokes and prods readers to stop daydreaming about a life of luxury and go out and grab it — to boldly go where upright, ethical people would never dare.

“Kreisler’s thoroughly researched guide presents the stories of famous and not-so-famous cheaters and what we can learn from them. He has the answer for anyone naïve enough to ask, “Why cheat?” And he follows up with lots of tips on how to exploit “some of the people all of the time.” Kreisler put his J.D. to use in writing the handy section on what to do if you’re unfortunate enough to get caught.”



November 27, 2009

Three Reichs and You’re Out

“Conservatives Propose a Checklist to Measure Right Candidates’ Commitment to G.O.P.”

Oaths to “party” rather than the Constitution. Right. A rejected leader forming a cult of personality. Right. Purging the ranks of the disloyal. Bingo. That’s the Third Reich. Er, Right.



What the problem is

CNN’s Political Tweets of The Week

New Group Tries to Get Dick Cheney to Run for Prez in 2012

Coincidence? Probably.



November 25, 2009

I’m Thankful For…

… This

(thanks DAW for the tip)



November 17, 2009

NYC: Caroline’s Wednesday Night

Comedy Against Evil
with me, John Oliver, Skinny Bitch Jesus Meeting (sketch), Tony Camin, Baron Vaughn, Joseph Rocha, videos and more.
Come over!
9:30pm – Caroline’s on Broadway
FB page with discount tix info. DO IT



November 16, 2009

Sign of the Times

The New York Times… ran a front page article about the use of the word ‘douche’ on TV.

Methinks the Grey Lady doth protest too much…



November 11, 2009

New 5-Star Review

Midwest Book Review:
Take a healthy dose of humor and blend it with some business savvy and observations of questionable practices and you have GET RICH CHEATING: THE CROOKED GUIDE TO EASY STREET, a tongue-in-cheek guide to schemes that have proven to generate cash covers everything from government bailouts to exploiting the weak. From controlling a board of directors to the mechanics of collusion, it’s a hilarious, pointed observation of business. – Five Stars



Bear Stearns Verdict

The two hedge fund managers were acquitted. Duh.

Here’s a recap of what they did, from last summer…

Goldicops and the Two Bears
Last week, authorities arrested Ralph Cioffi and Michael Tannin, former hedge fund managers at Bear Stearns and charged them with conspiracy, wire fraud, securities fraud, and generally inciting more chaos than Madonna at a Moroccan orphanage.

These are the first indictments directly related to the subprime crisis. The failure of the funds they managed – the not-at-all-confusing High Grade Structured Credit Strategies Fund (aka D.O.O.M) and the High Grade Structured Credit Strategies Enhanced Leverage Fund (D.O.O.M.E.R) – triggered the market-wide collapse which cost major financial institutions around $400 billion, which, in turn, cost the New York City cocaine and call-girl industries about half as much.

Cioffi and Tannin allegedly misled backers about D.O.O.M and D.O.O.M.E.R in order to prevent them from pulling out all their money. They even convinced some investors to put in more cashola just as the funds fell apart. I’d like to meet these particularly dim-witted investors to discuss the Send A Toilet Paper Writer To Fiji Fund.

It’s not clear how this will shake out because the subprime debacle is a complex area with obscure rules. Will Cioffi and Tannin get off on vague technicalities or become highly-publicized scapegoats for the whole thing? Or are they just being bitch-slapped by the invisible hand of the market? Either way, this is the most exciting Wall Street drama since Darryl Hannah wrapped her legs around Charlie Sheen and Martha Stewart whipped together some insider trades… using some simple items found around the home.

Isn’t It Ironic?
Both men posted their multi-million dollar bail by attaching homes in New Jersey, Florida, and Manhattan. Use of property to bail yourself out for crimes related to the misuse of property: 7 out of 10 Alanis Morisettes.

Definition: Hedge Funds
Hedge funds are large, unregulated, untaxed pools of capital firms – about 2-3 trillion dollars per year – managed by investment firms to maximize returns, i.e. make gobs of money. Hedge funds are, like hedges, green shrubs of cash separating the lawns of prosperity from the sidewalks of poverty. Fund managers get paid at least 1% of the value of the fund, regardless of how it performs, then get 20% of whatever profit it might make on top of that. Heads you win, tails you win. The rest of us live off our stimulus check and Top Ramen.

Quotable
“There is a maxim that comes to mind: ‘If you work in the kitchen, you don’t eat the food.'” – Josh Rosner, managing director of Graham Fisher, referring to banks selling subprime packages to outsiders while unloading their own. You probably shouldn’t poison the food either, though maybe it doesn’t matter if you’re dining at Per Se every night.



November 10, 2009

When you’re bored…

… maybe you should go nominate your favorite comedy book (hint) or favorite comedian (hint) for an ECNY Award.
Go here now.
I’m not saying who those should be, but I’m not saying who they shouldn’t be, either. If you know what I’m not saying.



Upcoming shows

Come on out!

Wed Nov 18 – NYC – Caroline’s Comedy Club – Comedy Against Evil (with guest John Oliver)

Wed 11 – Mansfield University (PA)
Thu 12 – Caroline’s (NYC) – NY Cares for the Homeless Benefit
Fri 13 – New York Comedy Club
Thu 19 – Brandeis University



November 9, 2009

Too Easy – The Times “Fat Article”

The NY Times ran this article Sunday, and well, I’ve got to comment on at least a few lines in the story… I’m not proud of what I’m doing, but it’s hard-wired into me… I must let it out…

Heavier Americans Push Back on Health Debate

Marilyn Wann is an author and weight diversity speaker… a 43-year-old San Franciscan whose motto in life is also the title of her book: “Fat? So!” Hers has been an oft-repeated message this summer and fall by members of the “fat pride” community…
– “Fat pride?” You don’t get to co-opt “pride” just because you’re an S.F. alt-lifestyle genetically inclined towards sausage?

“The stigma is so heavy a burden that it took our community 40 years before it could go to Capitol Hill and lobby for ourselves,” said Ms. Wann…
– “So heavy a burden.” This reporter is having waaaay too much fun. Seriously, I’m not even getting 10% of the fat references.
– 40 years to climb a hill? Not bad, considering the wheezing and the sweating and… (I’m really a terrible person. Must. Fight. Fat. Jokes.)

“We’re kind of a popular punching bag.”
– (trembling)

But what has been different about this particular issue, this year, is that “people are pushing back,” Professor Morone said.
– Well, it’s really more of a lean than a push.

“I get so angry when I feel people pushing a weight-loss agenda,” said Linda Bacon, a nutrition professor at City College of San Francisco
– Her name is Bacon.
– Don’t make her angry, you won’t like her when she’s angry! She turns into… well, she pretty much stays the same size, just gets green.
– No, really, it’s right there in print: Her name is Bacon.

“We’re all in this life raft together,” she said.
– Though it’s definitely listing to one side

Crap, lightning bolts forming above… Gottagobye!



November 7, 2009

Delta Airlines

sucks.

Won’t bore you with details of another wayward trip through hell, but there’s no way a 90 minute flight from Milwaukee to NYC should including boarding, deplaning, bad information, a trip through Cincinnati, and b.o. that is not from this Earth.



November 3, 2009

Election repost

A friend reminded me of something I wrote last year. While this may not be a “big election,” it’s an election day nonetheless…

I wanted to write something profound on Election Day, but I couldn’t find the words. Then I remembered that these had already been written:”We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union…” A more perfect union. It’s not a perfect one. Not then, not now, not even tomorrow. But today, on Election Day, we can resume our quest for perfection. We can resume the pursuit of our potential. We can regain our footing on the trail blazed by our Founding Fathers, and march forward again, on the path which will surely lead to greater days and glory, for all. Onward Fellow Travelers. Vote.